Life isn’t linear, and neither is self-discovery. Growing up, I didn’t have a stable family life, with friendships being secondary to my parents’ needs. Taking care of my favorite grandmother and one of my uncles with schizophrenia, I learned early on that life could be unpredictable and full of challenges. This shaped who I am today, not only in the way I relate to others, but also in how I approach my own identity.

For much of my life, I felt like I was living in between spaces, never quite fitting into the boxes that society and my parents had laid out for me. I was never at ease with the gender expectations placed on me, gravitating to the idea of just being “androgynous” without the language or framework to explain why. It wasn’t until I started exploring my true self, with the help of psychology, that I began to understand the complexity of my identity.

During the onset of the Covid pandemic, I began my self-discovery with nothing better else to do with my time, finally giving myself the time and space I yearned to get to know “me”. I realized that being non-binary was the most authentic way to describe my experience, moving through spaces that were both foreign and at home to me. It wasn’t about rejecting gender altogether, but rather embracing the fluidity and expansiveness that exist beyond the binary. However, this revelation didn’t come easily. There were moments of confusion, fear, and self-doubt. Moments that have ruined my family dynamics and friendships upon realizing my gender identity, especially when you add being panromantic and demisexual to the mix. Lack of understanding and growth between those who chose to remain in my orbit. 

Eventually, I started going to therapy, which was a pivotal step in my journey. It was there that I learned my parents were emotionally immature, which helped me understand why I was constantly placed in roles I wasn’t ready for or equipped to handle. I was expected to care for family members, to fulfill emotional needs that weren’t mine to take on, and to fit into a mold that didn’t align with who I truly was. Breaking free from the role-self my parents had bestowed upon me was one of the most challenging yet liberating experiences of my life. It meant unlearning patterns of behavior that no longer served me, and allowing myself the space to evolve into who I truly am.

Finding my voice and my strength outside the shadow of my parents inspired me to achieve something big. Going back to school to get a Master’s of Science in Psychology has been one of my biggest successes coming out on the other side of trauma and self-discovery. I’ve always been fascinated by the human mind, and how it shapes our understanding of ourselves and the world around us. Understanding the psychological aspects of identity has helped me process my own experiences and discover how I fit into a world that often struggles to understand Black and non-binary people like me.

Through this blog, I want to explore my journey of self-discovery and dive deep into topics that have shaped me: mental health, psychology, (black) non-binary and queer identity, and how we all can grow and learn more about ourselves. I’ll also share my passions for gaming, anime, music, and creative streams of consciousness, and how these things help me connect with the world around me.

Self-discovery is not a straight path. It’s filled with twists, turns, and unexpected moments. But it’s worth the journey, and I’m excited to take you along with me. Thank you for joining me as I continue to unravel the complexities of my identity, my mind, and my place in this ever-evolving world.